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{ How to Not Die Alone Application

Review

Helps provide a fresh perspective on dating and relationships, one that is more realistic in comparison to the kinds we are exposed to within societal standards. The various classifications of traits and tendencies helped me better understand and work on myself prior to my own dating aspirations. Would recommend :)

Top 3 Quotes

Prime your mindset through these soul-stirring and impactful quotes

Northwestern professor and marriage expert Eli Finkel, he said, “There is no correlation between how satisfied or how happy you are with a relationship and how similar your personalities are.” In other words, we make our potential pool of partners smaller by mistakenly eliminating people who are not similar enough to us.

• I need to search for compatibility through personality, not interests

Dan Wile explained in his book After the Honeymoon: “When choosing a long-term partner, you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unresolvable problems.” The goal isn’t to find someone with whom you don’t fight. It’s to choose a partner with whom you fight well, and who doesn’t make you worry that the fight will end the relationship

• There is no one with a perfect set of attributes and compatibility with yourself, as you are two completely different human beings

Love at first sight is pretty rare. When psychologist Ayala Malach Pines surveyed more than four hundred people to ask how they fell in love with their romantic partners, only 11 percent claimed that they felt “love at first sight.”

• Spark is not a realistic factor in finding the right person

app makers have a subtle but astonishing amount of power over our love lives. They are designing the environment in which we make decisions about dating. And, by extension, they deeply influence the decisions we make

• The culture of the app can dictate the kinds of relationships you’ll find there

3 Sentence Summary

What are the crucial points in this book that make it iconic, ideas I want to remember for the rest of my life?

1. We need to be aware of our unrealistic expectations that may prevent us from starting to realistically date (romanticizer, maximizer, hesitater)
2. We need to reframe the way we look for partners, devaluing measurable yet appealing characteristics like appearance and common interests for more long-term attributes like emotional stability, compassion, and a growth mindset
3. Our connections with a partner are not spontaneous but gradually build overtime through cooperation and persistence

Author’s Purpose

• Help modern dating

Important Ideas

• Modern dating is hard
• Unrealistic dating ideologies
• Dating for the long-term
• Choosing partners on short-term, trivial qualities
• Dating apps and their influence on dating culture
• Capitalizing on dating matches

Personal Revelations

• Consider making thoughts for it

• I really am looking for too much certainty when swiping

  • I swipe past people with little on their bio because I want more to work off of
    • Afraid to have to interact with someone I’m not familiar/compatible with

• I shouldn’t go in as if this person is going to be the one, I have a lot of time to find the right person

• Why am I hoping that the other person isn’t experienced with dating?

• Super helpful with making smarter decisions for finding the right person

• It’s not that you’re competing for other people when a girl is talking to multiple at once, it’s that she’s just trying to find the right person, and you are as well but with just not as many options

• Taking conceptual notes helps with redundancy

  • Instead of writing the same thing again and again when reading content, you can just add on to already existing notes, the stuff that’s most important
    • Requires us to transfer all the notes into their own concepts though, but is more effective in the long run

Principles

Dating Tendencies

1. 2
2. 3
3. 3
4. 1
5. 3
6. 3
7. 3
8. 3
9. 1
10. 1
11. 1
12. 3
13. 2
14. 2
15. 3
16. 3
17. 2
18. 3

Romanticizer score: 9 Maximizer score: 14 Hesitater score: 16

I’m definitely a maximizer and hesitater lmao

• Trying to find one specific kind of person
• Trying to work on myself before I swipe on people xd

C13

Actual dealbreakers

• Consistent substance abuse
• Lack of empathy
• Cheats?? idk lack of communication

Permissible pet peeves

• Mindless scrolling all day
• not same interests
• 0 clue

Nice to haves

• Productive
• Curious
• Games/anime

Future Plans

Questions

• quick book summary

Practices

• Pre-date ritual
  • anime LMAO
  • watch old yt videos
  • look at previous moments with others
  • talk with friends
• Crazy activities
  • Late night walk
  • Thrifting
  • coop game
  • learning something new
  • explore on the sky train

Mindset