Last updated April 10, 2022

started: 2021-11-11 finished: rating:

Status:: { Books MOC Author:: Medium:: #literature/books/finished Tags:: Links: { Never Split the Difference Application

{ Never Split the Difference

• Labelling fears
  • It seems like, it sounds like, it looks like
  • ex) Acknowledging that volunteering in front of a class would be frightening/horrible, leading to more volunteers
    • Pair with a positive note
• If a service worker has a bad encounter prior to yours, practice labelling and mirroring and maybe you can end up getting more in return?
  • Selfish but also cheers up their day in a sense

Chapter 4

• In traditional conversation, people want others to say yes to show agreement leading to less friction; saying no feels uncomfortable

No

• negotiators want to hear people say no to better understand the other person’s situation, to understand what they do/don’t want
• Saying no marks the start of negotation
  • People insinctively say no without having logical reasoning, it’s just a way to prevent uncertain change from happening
  • Letting people say no promotes their personal autonomy, making them more inclined and engaged in what you’re saying
    • For hostage takers, it’s a temporary sense of power that they’ve been craving
    • Safe and emotionally sound
  • Prevents bad decisions from being made
• No could mean various things, and it’s important we label what kind of no they are implying
  • Not yet ready to agree
  • Uncomfortable
  • Don’t understnad
  • Can’t afford
  • Want something else
  • Need more information
  • Want to talk it over
• Can assume the opposite for them to continue explaining their side
  • If people are slacking, ask them if they’ve given up, or tell them you’re going to leave

Yes

• We shouldn’t make our aim to have people say yes, it should be genuine
• Three kinds of yes
  • Countefeit yes
    • only said to avoid situation or reduce effort
  • Confirmation yes
    • innocent, reflexive
  • Commitment yes
    • Contract binding

Establishing rapport, agreement, and connection is useless unless the other party believes they are equally responsible

Chapter 5 - That’s Right

• “That’s right” leads to a breakthrough towards a new level of understanding and connection
• We can use empathetic negotiating strategies to get the other side to say “that’s right”, which implies that they willfully chose to agree to the idea you proposed
  • can be done by creating summaries of the other person’s side
    • Identify, paraphrase,
• Aim or “that’s right”, not “you’re right”
  • You’re right is used when you want someone to stop bothering you, and doesn’t actually lead to conversion
• When proposing something, first understand the other party first, have them confirm your understanding through “that’s right”, then you can start talking about your ideas
  • Trust is developed as they know for certain you have their interests in mind
    • A new depth in the relationship can lead to more information to be given
• Unconditional positive regard through understanding and affirmations increase a person’s likelihood of social construction

6 - Bend their reality

• During negotiation, there is always something hidden that can affect the possible outcomes of a situation, to change your counterpart’s needs and expectations into what you are willing to give rather than what they want
• Never compromise by meeting in the middle; never split the difference
  • A true negotiator forges creative solutions, to which require risk, annoyance, and conflict
• ex) in the book, he was able to discover the motives of the kidnappers, and realized that the day of the week impacted their mood and the amount they really needed was miniscule
  • Having a deadline is a strategic weakness in negotiating as it can be exploited by the counterpart
    • Can result in unecessary stalling by an ignorant party, or cause pressure for the person in a crunch
      • Sharing your deadlines leads to faster negotiation though

7 - Create the illusion of control

• “How am I supposed to do that?” gives the other person a reality check without providing conflict

• Turn negotation into an unconscious, irrefusable response the other person must attend to

  • The talker reveals information while the listener uses it to their advantage
  • Make them believe they are in control, but in reality, you’re making them get what you want
    • ex) Go to a store with an exact item in mind. Instead of asking specifically, describe and get the other person to find it, then say it’s a bit above your budget – “How am I supposed to do that?”

• Use “how” and “what”

  • ex) “Does this look like something you would like?” becomes “How does this look to you?”
  • Gentle disagreement in which you can propose a more beneficial solution

• Negotiation/calibrated questions

  1. What about this is important to you?
  2. How can I help to make this better for us?
  3. How would you like me to proceed?
  4. What is it that brought us into this situation?
  5. How can we solve this problem?
  6. What’s the objective?

• First understand through mirroring, then control them through calibrated questions

• Self-control and emotional regulation is critical for calibrated questions to work

8 - Guarantee Execution

• The plan is useless if no action towards it is made

• To ensure their cooperation, make sure the negotiator believes the implementation is their idea

  • “How will we know we’re on track?”, “How will we address things if we find we’re off track?”
    • Resummarize, get a “that’s right”
    • Try to stray away from “you’re right” and “I’ll try” by continuing to ask how and what

• Ensure the entire opposing party is on board by showing concern for them

7 38 55 rule

• 7% of a message is based on words

• 38% is based on tone of voice

• 55% is body language and face

• We can weed out false agreements by getting the other party to agree 3 times

  • There are different ways of saying yes
    • “That’s right”, good response to “how/what”, responding to a question that implies commitment

Liars tend to overexplain

• Humanize the interaction by mentioning your name
  • ex) author played with his name when asking for a discount, ended up working wtf

Bidding against themselves

• You can say no 4 times without saying it
  • “How am I…”
  • “Your offer is generous, but just doesn’t work for me”
  • “Sorry, I just can’t do that”
• Saying no repeatedly gets the other side antsy in closing the deal, providing you with more leverage

Appendix

Negotation Sheet

1 - Set a goal

• Don’t be so sure of our price that we won’t go for better
• Have a high-end goal and only aim for it; don’t aim for your low-end

Steps:

1. Clearly set an optimistic but reasonable goal
2. Write it down
3. Hold yourself accountable by discussing it with someone
4. Carry written goal

2 - Summary

• Write a summary of known facts prior to negotiation
  • Talking points that the other party can say “that’s right” to

3 - Labels/Accusation Audit

• Imagine how your counterpart will respond to your summary, turn their accusations into labels
  • It seems like _ is valuable to you
  • It seems like you don’t like _

4 - Calibrated Questions

• Identify and overcome motivations and deal-killers
• Acknowledge their team
• Unearth issues:
  • What is the biggest challenge you face?
  • How does making a deal with us affect things?
  • What happens if you do nothing?
  • What does doing nothing cost you?
  • How does making this deal resonate with your company values?

5 - Noncash offers

• Something easy for them could be super valuable for you

Backlinks

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Created:: 2021-11-11