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Status: Tags: #writings/bookapplications Links: Ask Powerful Questions- Create Conversations That Matter

Ask Powerful Questions- Create Conversations That Matter Application

Top 3 Quotes

To cure a cough (trap), you need to take cough medicine (antidote) with a spoon (tool)

• Helps me understand the process of overcoming obstacles through ideas and application
  • Actions are physical things we can do to apply theory and solutions

If you try to fake it, others will know and you will not be in a place of connection. It is important to act on natural, genuine curiosity

• There’s no benefit to being fake

People want to be heard and understood. It may be the highest calling of our humanity. When we are deeply listened to, we become the most alive. Your compassionate listening is a deep service to those around you, and it may be the greatest gift you can give.

• It’s important to drop my own desire to be heard to listen to others

3 Sentence Summary

1. Asking powerful questions provide an ear for others to explore the unknown/unscripted
2. The pyramid of qualities acts as a foundation for us to ask and facilitate powerful questions
3. Being a facilitator of discussion requires the utilization of dialogue/debate, silence, web-building, and adressing problems

Author’s Purpose

• I love how intimate the author is with their descriptions of personal connection
  • “Like a great meal, it becomes a full-body experience. Something that you smell, taste, touch, see, and hear. Something that is so present that it exists only in the now.”

Important Ideas

• Pyramid of asking powerful questions
  • Intention enables the other skills
  • Rapport entails asking powerful questions
  • Openness entails how to make questions open-minded and free of judgement
  • Listening entails encouraging them to share
  • Empathy entails what we are being
• Effectiveness/purpose of powerful questions
• Being clear with our intentions
  • Types of Intentions
  • Planning our intentions
• Rapport
  • Curiosity
    • Natural curiosity
  • Overcoming rejection
  • The lack of need for common ground
  • Being mindful of a person’s situation
  • Welcoming People
  • Connecting People
  • Authentic compliments
• Openness
  • Naming our triggers for defensiveness
  • Asking open-ended questions
    • Nonjudgmental
    • Word choice
    • Phrases
• Listening
  • Not being tunnel visioned
  • Letting others be understood
  • Reflective listening
    • Levels
• Empathy
  • Rule of three, big one
• Silence
  • Utilizing and embracing it

Personal Revelations

• Wow, that first excerpt/example gave me chills…
  • Greatly emphasized the point of the book, and was very heartwarming
  • The realization, demonstrating the impact of it, wow
  • I need to do something like this whenever appropriate
• In the practice for asking Jake a question, I resorted to questions related to physical descriptions, but failed to relate to the emotional side
  • Pay more attention to one’s emotions as well
• I don’t really take the time to ask connecting questions to other people in a group setting, but it’s what I long for in a one-on-one setting
  • Maybe I can try to be more curious during tonight’s jackbox night

Principles

Future Plans

Questions

• What areas in my life can I start to ask meaningful questions?
  • While talking to new people in the sfu discords to get a better grasp of who they are
  • To some of the people I hang out with frequently to help them feel understood
• What scripted questions have I been asking?
  • I don’t ask scripted questions really, I usually say stuff based on the context at hand but some of the questions are rather safe
• How can I be more curious about someone during a conversation?
  • Enthusiasm in my tone, picking out some of underlying interests through guesses, spotlight on them 😎

Actions

• When someone looks down, consider trying out persistent intention
• Don’t be afraid to act on my curiosities when seeing someone while running

Further Reading

Practices

• Connect with the viewer during the intro of my youtube channel

Habits

• ( - ) Using “why” or “you”
• ( - ) Trying to prove my self right
• ( - ) Using “but”
• ( + ) Reflective listening
• ( + ) Making sure we clarify our understanding
• ( - ) Using sarcasm
• ( + ) Properly dealing with resistance

Dailies

• Ask one powerful question
• Listen to someone

To Dos

• Look at what I listen for in a conversation
• Establish rapport with three strangers in the next week
  • Engage in curios topics, ask open-ended questions based on it
• Become a facilitator of discussion