Empathy

Be sure to fully understand the other person’s point of view before expressing your own.

Principles

You can understand their situation without being in it
- You have the understanding of their and your current situation
- ex) story, personality, worldview, fears, aspirations
Empathetic listening is fully, deeply, understanding that person rather than just agreeing with them

Being able to clearly, specifically, and visually express your ideas in the context of people’s concerns increases your credibility
When truly engaging in empathetic listening, you might be overwhelmed with the sheer emotion and knowledge you receive from another human being

Regurgitating what you just heard
Rephrasing the idea behind what you just heard
Understanding the other person’s feelings based off what they said
Rephrasing and understanding their feelings and situation based off what they said

Describe their world
- How do they see and see themselves in the world?
- What do they want or do not want to be?
Ask to learn more about their world through empathetic questions
Use other senses to lsiten
- Explore differences in one’s body and verbal language
Leave content, go to process of conversation
- It’s important to also consider how we approach certain topics
  - Ask why people are worked up over something
- Content includes words, subject, topic, themes
- Process includes dialogue, tone, listening form, sense tone
The rule of three
- Helps regarner focus
  - The key is to acknowledge people’s actions to find the source of the distraction
- Ask a question regarding the process when 3 interruptions come up
  - Ask them about the situation, rather than accusing them
  - Steps:
    1. Pause the conversation
    2. Non-judgementally state the actions
    3. Follow up and be patient
    4. Reflective statement/ask to elaborate
    5. Ask them how they want to proceed
    6. Return to content
Big one
- Same as the rule of three but for a more prominent distraction

When trying to understand someone, we must try our best to refrain from:
1. Probing
  - Asking objective questions that aren’t related to the person’s needs
2. Evaluating
  - Giving your opinion or stance on the matter
3. Advising
  - Giving the other person objective advice
4. Interpreting
  - Solely rephrasing the other person’s situation
Saying that they are wrong
- ex) Petty/sarcastic remarks that prove someone’s opinion wrong
  - Don’t use sarcasm to connect
- Antidote: Acknowledge their expertise
  - It’s their story, and they are the ones who truly know the details
    1. Know that they are right
    2. Find something you are curious about and follow it
How does that make you feel?
- Use alternatives for more options:
  - What is it like for you to experience . . . ?
  - What struck you?
  - What was that like for you?
  - What was your response?
Pushing upon resistance
- Antidote: Identify the resistance and acknowledge/encourage it’s presence
Feeling intimidated to stop the conversation
- Conflicts/polarizing opinions can yield great insight
Letting our own desire to be understood prevent us from understanding the other person

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