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Late Night Graduation
Holy shit, no way man. 8 years of elementary, now 4 years of high school. of high school. bro… how can you move on? I don’t wanna peak at high school but like, wtf??? it’s done just like that? It’s crazy how monumental the change is, but when you think of it from a higher plane, it’s such a miniscule event. The graduating class and teachers is only like 200 big, and I’m literally one person. I’m being robbed. I’m robbing myself. There’s no way I can peacefully resolve all the things that have happened in less than one month before moving to bc. The life-changing support of teachers like Mr. Gareau and Ms. Day, just to not receive any praise? They don’t know how much they’ve helped me out, and yet they exuberate this energy and encouragement to all their students. Teachers have to be the most selfless, masochist people I know. What am I supposed to do? I was rather present in the moment during these times, but it feels like I could have been and done more, you know? Is this a slight inclination of how it feels to have regrets at the end of life? Why do I always resort to asking questions when writing stuff like this? There’s just countless memories, experiences, people, and learnings I’m leaving behind not just from the school, but from leaving my hometown as a whole. I’ve been with logan and them for years. I’ve went to Jessica’s house for years. I’ve went to michael a. riffel high school for years. I’ve went to french park for years. It’s been a while since I cried, but it’s just a sensory overload of everything that’s happened, and I’m just letting it all sink in. The last time I felt like this was during a break up, but this time it’s a disconnect from the environment I’ve been immersed in for years. People are gonna drift away. Those who stay are gonna die. My own life is going to end. Like why? I guess there’s the connections and communications provided by technology, but like, it doesn’t hit the same.
So, what are my regrets? I think it’s best I sort this out now to help me plan with my last month here. It’s already been 5 days, and I don’t know how I feel about it. A common theme is just saying that I don’t know, and for the most part, yeah. I hope I can just talk about this with someone, probably someone like jacob, as I need someone to just chat with about this kind of stuff. All the assignments I’ve done, the people I’ve helped, the places I ate out with friends, the time I spent playing games, the various conversations and sad boi hours, bro. This shit wild.
I wonder if other people are feeling the same way. Has reality hit them yet, or will it take a while for them to truly realize what this moment entails?
Okay, back to regrets. I mean if you think about what a regret is, it’s usually due to one’s inactions. I’m sure no one has 0 regrets and goes in gung ho every time, but I think it’s important to at least not have any major regrets, or repetitive regrets that add up. The former would be going to take pics with everyone, and the latter would be being shy and hesitant to be more engaging with everyone.
i’ve just spent the past 2 hours or so just processing everything, so I think I can start thinking of stuff to do.
DO SHIT WITH FRIENDS
- Bike ride
- VR session
- Camp fires/hang outs
- Eat at lets sushi
- Play games
EMAIL TEACHERS
- Brainstorm which teachers to email
- Thank them for the shit they do, yknow?
Send DMs to people
- especially if I hadn’t been able to talk to them much but they’ve had a significant impact in my life
- brennan, christine
- Maybe even ask to hang out?
TAKE MORE PICTURES
- Bring camera for important events, always have phone storage ready
I can’t even complain about being productive, I just wanna be happy and content with my decisions, minimizing the amount of regrets I have. It’s not about having 12+ productivity days or becoming a millionaire, it’s cherishing the present and reminiscing the past to improve the future.
this feeling will only get more surreal as my due date comes closer so yeah.
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Created:: 2021-06-29 01:19