#literature/books/implemented Links: Finished-Implementing List
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Habit 1 - Proactivity
We have the power to make promises with ourselves to develop effective habits that will have a positive influence on our lives
-Instead of trying to come up with short-term, “band-aid” solutions to problems, we need to tackle it innately and work from there.
-Reactive people are driven by feelings, by circumstances, by conditions, by their environment
-Reactive language can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy, not allowing them to become proactive
-Proactive people are driven by their integral values that define them
-Proactive people focus on the things they can control, and work on themselves
-Being proactive means to understand that some things that have already happened can’t be altered or undone and are in our circle of concern
-Proactive people always milk their mistakes to find ways to learn and improve
-ex) improving areas of weakness by setting goals
-It’s not what happens to us, but rather our response to what happens that hurts us; we choose to be hurt
There are three central values in life:
-
Experiential- what happens to us
-
Creative- what we bring into existence
-
Attitudinal- our response to difficult circumstances
Habit 2 - Knowing our Destinations
Have a strong understanding of your final destination to ensure that what you do is bringing you closer to that destination.
-People can be busy without being effective
-Sometimes we unconsciously develop misleading destinations from the people in our lives rather than our own principles
Personal Leadership
-It’s important to be a leader in our own lives by clarifying our values before we set our goals and take action
-We must align our life to be congruent with said values
-By strongly believing in our values, we are able to replace unrelated habits with important ones
Alternative centers
-Spouse centeredness
-Family centeredness
-Money centeredness
-Work centeredness
-Possession centeredness
-Pleasure centeredness
-Friend/enemy centeredness
-Church centeredness
-Self centeredness
Although these are important, it’s important to equally put importance amongst these different parts instead of having one as a focus.
Having a mission statement everyone agrees with creates a sense of unity and commitment
Application
What do I want my family, friends, and teachers to say about me?
Family- I want them to say that I have grown as a person, that I am respectful and am a hard-worker, and that I gave life my all.
Friends- I want them to say that I was hilarious, uplifting, and compassionate and helpful during their times of need.
Teachers- I want them to say that I was a bright student with a successful future waiting for me because of my intelligence, personality, and work ethic.
My roles
Student
-Have an open mind towards the lectures given by my teachers to help me further learn more about the world and be academically successful
-Do my homework to further strengthen my understanding
Content Creator
-Make videos I am proud of that showcase my experiences in life for others to watch and learn or feel from
Friend
-Be supportive and compassionate to the people who have had great influences in my life and who care about me through my actions and words
-Help create a positive and fun environment where we can be ourselves and help each other grow
Son
-Inherit my parent’s values and beliefs to help form my own identity, and make them proud
-Show them love for the invaluable support they have given me throughout my upbringing
Personal mission statement
Identify a project and write down the results I desire as well as the steps that will lead to those results through creative imagination
-Find the right person who I trust and love
-Start talking to people
-Grow a youtube channel that focuses on my experiences throughout life
-Be confident in my stock purchases and slowly but surely grow my portfolio
-Rationally evaluate decisions to try and come up with the best solution
-Incorporate this rational thinking when presented problems by those around me
-Find ways to be more efficient in my studying and learning
-Consistently dedicate time to self-improvement and learning
-Keep all of this in mind as I wake up every day and always remember what I’m striving for
Share my roles with those around me to create family mission statements
Habit 3 - Do Not-Immediate, Important Work
-Leadership is a creative, right-brain activity as it’s based on philosophy
-Manage from the left, lead from the right
-Organize your time based off of priorities while still maintaining the P/PC balance
-It is important to spend time every day on Quadrant II activities: things that are not urgent but are important. People usually don’t do things in Quadrant II because they’re not urgent.
-Effective people are opportunity-minded rather than problem-minded
-Sometimes a lack of discipline is a result of a person not truly connecting with their values and beliefs
Effective goal setting
-Plan your goals weekly so you have a clear vision of what you want to do, and are given flexibility on when to do it
-Acknowledge the different roles you play in your life, and think of 1-2 goals catered towards each role (I almost did that wtf???)
-Try to minimize doing unimportant things that are either urgent or non-urgent
-Make these goals easily accessible so you are always aware of your motives and goals
6 Steps to building a strong relationship
-
Understand them
-
Pay attention to the little things
-
Don’t break promises
-
Set expectations
-
Maintain personal integrity
-
We must truly be independent (know ourselves, and control ourselves) before we are able to be interdependent.
-
Trust is the highest form of human motivation and brings out the best in people, but it takes time and patience to cultivate trust.
Application
Question 1: Working towards finding a cool girl can help me think about trying to find the right person and more about either working on my skills or further strengthening that connection.
Question 2: Actively trying to learn code every day will help me be more prepared for my dream job.
Habit 4 - Win/win
-
Self mastery and self-discipline are the foundation of good relationships with others
-
Our character is more important than what we say or do in a relationship. People will see through attempts to disguise your inner-self, and will take you for who you truly are
-
After becoming independent (proactive, self-integrity, organized priorities), we can become interdependent (forming rich and productive relationships)
-
Most of life is interdependent rather than independent, and will rely on cooperation between others
-
People prefer to judge themselves than to have others judge them
-
Putting good people in bad systems leads to bad results
-
Win/win is not a technique but rather a new perspective to human interaction
Emotional Bank Account
-
Our actions and words with another person can either make deposits or withdrawals from our shared emotional bank account
-
It is important to keep the EBA well-funded, with constant contributions to it when possible
We can make deposits to EBAs by:
-
Understanding the individual
-
Attending to the little things
-
Keeping commitments
-
Clarifying expectations
-
Showing personal integrity
-
Love unconditionally
Essential character traits for creating win-win scenarios
-
Integrity (honest, understanding your own moral values)
-
Maturity (balance between courage and consideration, P/PC balance)
-
An abundance mentality (public victory for everyone involved)
A successful win/win agreement involves:
-
Identifying the desired results
-
Setting parameters
-
Identifying the support available when needed
-
Being accountable for working towards the goal
-
Consequences after the evaluation
Amounting to a win/win scenario while facing a problem can be achieved by:
-
Understanding all points of view of a problem from the parties involved
-
Identifying the issues and concerns
-
Determine what a solution would entail
-
Come up with possible methods to achieve said solutions
Win/win solutions can only be created through win/win processes and win/win mindsets.
Application time!!!
-
I’ll probably be trying to reach an agreement or negotiate a solution with
-
A. Not good enough communication from both sides
-Be more considerate and ensure both parties are participating equally
B. Different mindsets and/or goals
-End up with a no deal or modify said mindsets/goals
C. Possibly a low self-esteem
-Work on initially developing that win/win character
-
Not this moment :/3
-
Three key relationships:
Parents: A bit lacking on my end
-
Spend more time cooking or in the living room
-
Pray together at night consistently
-
Come to them for advice on problems/decisions
IRL Friends: A bit lacking on my end
-
Spend time playing games with them
-
Keep up with what’s going on in their lives
-
Be there for emotional support
Online Friends: Equal
-
Spend time playing games with them
-
Talk about shared hobbies and interests
-
Have fun B)
-
I think my own scripting is slowly starting to shift towards a win/win goal, but sometimes it can end up as win/lose; very rarely do I end up with a lose/win. Seeing that I’m focusing on improving myself, it would be natural for me to focus more on myself than others, but at the same time, it’s important to acknowledge and cooperate with the people in your life as well. If I put more effort into achieving win/win solutions, it could potentially grant me further happiness and success.
-
An ideal win/win thinker would probably be the various authors of the books I have been reading. To more closely watch and learn, I can read more of their books or find books that contain similar concepts and ideas.
Habit 5 - Seek first to understand, then be understood.
Be sure to fully understand the other person’s point of view before expressing your own.
-
We tend to rush things and fix things with our own advice before we truly understand the problem in the first place, usually because we want to be understood
-
Empathetic listening is fully, deeply, understanding that person rather than just agreeing with them
-
When truly engaging in empathetic listening, you might be overwhelmed with the sheer emotion and knowledge you receive from another human being
-
Being able to clearly, specifically, and visually express your ideas in the context of people’s concerns increases your credibility
Autobiographical Responses
When trying to understand someone, we must try our best to refrain from:
- Probing
- Asking objective questions that aren’t related to the person’s needs
- Evaluating
- Giving your opinion or stance on the matter
- Advising
- Giving the other person objective advice
- Interpreting
- Solely rephrasing the other person’s situation
Stages of Empathetic Listening
-Regurgitating what you just heard
-Rephrasing the idea behind what you just heard
-Understanding the other person’s feelings based off what they said
-Rephrasing and understanding their feelings and situation based off what they said
After showing your understanding of their feelings and situation, you are able to give your own advice and experiences.
Application Suggestions
-
When on shaky terms with someone, try to write down what you think is their current point of view. Next time you talk, talk with the intention of understanding, and compare it with your assumptions.
-
Find someone to practice empathy with for a week, and seek their feedback
-
Analyze what emotions can be displayed through ways other than words (body language, facial expression) by covering your ears and observing a conversation
-
Trey to refrain from inappropriately using the autobiographical responses, and restart the conversation if needed
-
Next time when presenting, begin with understanding the audience’s point of view first before you explain yours.
Habit 6 - Synergize
-Emphasizes the power of the whole rather than the parts of a group
-Through synergizing with others, we are able to work together to come up with ideas and solutions greater than our individual capabilities
-Being left to our own experiences makes us suffer from a shortage of data
-Having a high emotional bank account, adopting principles of win/win, and seeking first to understand results in the most ideal environment for synergy to manifest
Application Suggestions
- Think of someone who sees things differently than you do, and consider how those differences might be used as stepping stones to other alternative solutions.
- Logan usually sees things differently than I do, and it’s always back and forth between who is “right”.
- Make a list of people who irritate you, and consider whether their different views could be utilized and transformed into synergy if you had greater intrinsic security and valued their differences.
Logan
- his absolute ignorance makes me question my own beliefs, helping me further solidify my stance and debunk his ideas (or vice versa)
Parents sometimes
- help me think more rationally
-
Identify a situation in which you desire greater teamwork and synergy, and consider what conditions would need to take place for said synergy to improve. What steps can you take to make this a reality?
-
During your next disagreement or confrontation with someone, try to understand the concerns underlying that person’s position, and address those concerns in a mutually beneficial way.
Habit 7- Sharpening The Saw
-Providing time to preserve and enhance our physical, mental, emotional/social, and spiritual wellbeing.
Maintaining our wellbeing
Physical
-Eat well, exercise, and make time for relaxation
Spiritual
-Meditate, envelop ourselves within our values and desires
Mental
-Read, writing (journal, experiences), organizing
Emotion
Intrinsic security
Intrinsic security is achieved through:
-True understanding of ourselves
-Full faith in the principles of win/win and the possible 3rd solution
-Making contributions to positively impact others
Renewal
The relations between these 7 habits mean that through the development of one habit, we are also developing our capabilities for another.
We should aim to spend at least 1 hour every day renewing all four dimensions in our life through Quadrant II (non-urgent but important) activities.
Improving our spiritual dimension helps us reinforce our personal leadership (Habit 2)
Improving our mental dimension helps us reinforce our personal management (Habit 3)
“There is a gap between stimulus and response, and the key to both our growth and happiness is how we use that space”
Applications
Try to do at least once every 6 months?
Habit 1
- For a full day, listen to your language and to the language of the people around you
- How often do you use and hear reactive phrases such as “If only”, “I can’t”, or “I have to”
- Identify an experience you might encounter
- How could you respond proactively? Take several moments and create the experience vividly in your mind, picturing yourself responding in a proactive manner
-
Select a problem from your work or personal life that is frustrating to you
-
Try to be aware of the change in your circle of influence for 30 days
Habit 2
-
What do you want those around you to say about you during your funeral (parents, spouse, siblings, friends, coworkers, cousins)
-
What character, contributions, achievements, and impact on other people’s lives would you want them to talk about?
-
Write down your roles, and ask yourself if you’re satisfied with them and your current situation in them.
-
Setup time to focus on your personal mission statement.
-
Start a collection of notes, quotes, and ideas you may want to use as resource material in writing your personal mission statement.
-
Identify a project you will be facing in the near future and apply the principle of mental creation. Write down the results you desire and what steps will lead to those results.
-
Share the principles of Habit 2 with your family or work group and suggest that together you begin the process of developing a family or group mission statement.
Habit 3
-
What is one thing you could do (something you aren’t doing now, that if you did it on a regular basis, would make a tremendous positive difference in your personal life?
-
What one thing in your business or professional life would bring similar results?
-
Draw a time management matrix and try to estimate what percentage of your time you spend in each quadrant. Then, log your time for three days in fifteen-minute intervals. Were you accurate in your estimate? How do you feel about your time management?
-
Make a list of responsibilities you could delegate and the people you could train to be responsible in these areas as well as what would be needed to begin this training.
-
When setting weekly goals, think of the different roles/areas in your life, and think of 1-2 goals you can set for each sector (ideally Quadrant II related). Then, find opportunities throughout the week to work on said goals through daily adaptation and set routines. At the end, evaluate how well your planning aligned with your values and purposes, as well as your integrity in carrying out said goals.
-
Try to find time every week to do step 4.
Habit 4
-
Think about an upcoming interaction wherein you will be attempting to reach an agreement or negotiate a solution. Commit to maintain a balance between courage and consideration.
-
Make a list of obstacles that keep you from applying the win/win paradigm more frequently. Determine what could be done within your circle of influence to eliminate some of those obstacles.
-
Select a specific relationship where you would like to develop a win/win agreement. Try to put yourself in the other person’s place, and write down explicitly how you think that person sees the solution. Then list, from your own perspective, what results would constitute a win for you. Approach the person and ask if he or she would be willing to communicate until you reach a point of agreement and mutually beneficial solution.
-
Identify three key relationships in your life. Give some indication of what you feel the balance is in each of the emotional bank accounts. Write down some specific ways you could make deposits in each account.
-
Deeply consider your own scripting. Is it win/lose? How does that scripting affect your interactions with other people? Can you identify the main source of that script? Determine whether or not those scripts serve well in your current reality.
-
Try to identify a model of win/win thinking, who, even in hard situations, really seeks mutual benefit. Determine how to more closely watch and learn from this person’s example.
Habit 5
-
When your EBA with someone is in the red, try to write down what you think is their current point of view. Next time you talk, talk with the intention of understanding, and compare it with your assumptions to see if you truly understood them.
-
Find someone to practice empathy with for a week, and seek their feedback (their opinion, their feelings).
-
Analyze what emotions can be displayed through ways other than words (body language, facial expression) by covering your ears and observing a conversation. What emotions are being communicated that may not come across in words alone?
-
Try to refrain from inappropriately using the autobiographical responses, and restart the conversation if needed.
-
Next time when presenting, begin with understanding the audience’s point of view first before you explain yours within the right context.
Habit 6
-
Think of someone who sees things differently than you do, and consider how those differences might be used as stepping stones to other alternative solutions.
-
Make a list of people who irritate you, and consider whether their different views could be utilized and transformed into synergy if you had greater intrinsic security and valued their differences.
-
Identify a situation in which you desire greater teamwork and synergy, and consider what conditions would need to take place for said synergy to improve. What steps can you take to make this a reality?
-
During your next disagreement or confrontation with someone, try to understand the concerns underlying that person’s position, and address those concerns in a mutually beneficial way.
**