Night 1 - Deny Trauma

The past doesn’t matter. By dwelling on the past, we succumb to determinism.
Trauma does not exist. Only our imagined perceptions of negative events exist.
We are not determine by our experiences, but the meaning we give them is self-determining
When we have an action in mind, we tend to create an emotion to help us achieve that action

ex) When a waiter spills coffee on you and you want to shout at them, you develop feelings of anger to make you shout at them

We are in control of our emotions, and are willing to use them as needed to achieve a goal
People are not driven by past causes but move towards goals that they themselves set
Rather than seek answers from others, we must find them ourselves to fully understand
Dialogue is a great way of discovering thoughts within
Instead of trying to be like others, make use of our own equipment’
If something was not given to us on birth, we created it, so that means we can change it
We create our excuses to not change due to a lack of courage

Night 2 - All Problems are Interpersonal Relationship Problems

Focusing on our imperfections puts us in an unpleasant mood
By degrading ourselves, we have less encouragement to enter into interpersonal relationships, supporting our fear of relationships
Our imperfections are imperfections because of the label we give it in comparison to others

ex) If we were the only person in the world, we wouldn’t care about things like money or height, therefore the problems associated with such things are solely due to our relationships

We are naturally inclined to be superior, so we fear feeling inferior
Feeling inferior isn’t wrong, as it can help provoke growth. An inferiority complex is using that inferiority as an excuse to not do anything
A superiority complex is living other people’s lives in order to feel worthy
If we were truly confident in ourselves, there would be no need to boast about achievements
When people abuse their misfortune by trying to control other parties with it, they worry the people around them and control them

ex) The baby is the most important person in the room

People are not the same, but are equal
Life is not a competition; we should go at our own pace
By engaging in competition, we create the idea of winners and losers. As a result, we will always have that competitive drive, and will never find peace

ex) When your friends have higher paying jobs than you, you might feel defeated

Instead, view others as comrades
Personal grudges and righteous indignation (beyond one’s interests) are different
When someone wants to argue, they want to try and win and prove their superiority
If someone is losing, then they may turn to problem behavior to regain power
There is no need to rely on anger to communicate
No matter how much you think you’re right, don’t criticize the other party, as it leads to competition
When we’re too focused on winning/losing, we fail to make the right choices
We fail to see other people as comrades because we have no courage and are avoiding our life tasks
Our behavior has two objectives: becoming self-reliant and living in harmony with society, which can be referred to as life tasks (tasks of work, friendship, love)
By not achieving our tasks of work, we may become NEETs or shut-ins
Relationships that restrict each other eventually fall apart
No matter how stressful the relationship, you shouldn’t avoid it
We create reasons to dislike others to avoid creating interpersonal relationships with them

Night 3

Adler psychology denies the need to seek recognition from others
We should live our own life and not do things solely to seek praise from others
We should not intrude on other people’s tasks, but only support them; we are the only ones who can change ourselves
The feelings of others regarding your own choices is their task, not yours
When faced with a problem in a relationship, ask yourself whose task it is, don’t intervene in other people’s tasks, and hold others accountable for doing the same
The separation of tasks isn’t the objective for interpersonal relationships, but instead is the gateway
We must not be seek reward or be tied to it
“People who are not taught to confront challenges will try to avoid all challenges”
Living to please others and entrusting your life onto others is lying to yourself and lying to the people around you
Freedom is being disliked by other people; it’s proof we are exercising our freedom and living in freedom, and a sign that you are living in accordance with our own principles

Night 4

When we choose to do something, both our mind and body are allowing it
Interpersonal relations are the source of happiness
Community feeling (the entire universe) is the most important index for considering a state of interpersonal relations that is happy
People who are obsessed with the recognition for others is extremely self-centered
We tend to believe we are the protagonist in the world
To find a sense of belonging, we must independently face our life tasks
Consider the larger scope of community, rather than the small ones we engage in every day

ex) If we’re being bullied in school and are forced to resort to our homes, we can find solace in communities larger/different from school

When we communicate with people, we should not praise or rebuke as it develops a sense of hierarchy and manipulation
Separating our tasks allows for horizontal relationships, a relationship where everyone is on equal ground
To cultivate horizontal relationships, our actions for others should not be forceful
The more one is praised by another person, the more one forms the belief that one has no ability
Rather than praise, we should just appreciate their efforts
People only develop a sense of worth when they possess courage and feels that they are beneficial to the community
Instead of judging people solely by their actions, judge them for their level of being; people have worth just by being there

ex) If a relative is injured from a car crash, they are immobilized and can’t do anything, but you are grateful for their presence

ex) Instead of comparing your child to the likes of others, just be grateful that they exist in the first place

When lacking the courage, people have to start somewhere
If you are told to do something and it fails, it is partly your fault; you have a right to refuse and suggest a different method

Night 5

Self-acceptance entails what one can change and what one cannot change
Alfred’s confidence entails believing in others, even if they have no reason to
By having confidence in others, we forge deep relationships that allow the cultivation of joy for both parties
The fear of being taken advantage of comes from self-acceptance. It’s not our choice whether we are taken advantage of.
To feel worthy in a community, we need to see others as comrades, which means to be self-accepting and be confident in others, as well as contribute to others; these three ideas are connected
To be self-reliant corresponds with having the ability
To live in harmony in society corresponds with viewing others as comrades
People with neurotic lifestyles tend to overgeneralize things, which correlates to having a lack of harmony in life

ex) If there are 10 people, and 1 doesn’t like you, but 2 do like you, neurotic people tend to focus on the 1 person

They tend to form judgements on a single part, preventing them from seeing the whole picture

ex) Workaholics are too focused on work to acknowledge different aspects of their life. Through such a mindset, when the time comes that they are unable to provide, they are unable to accept themselves

Happiness is simply the feeling of contribution; the desire for recognition is a means for gaining a feeling of contribution. Once a person has the sense of community, the desire for recognition will disappear.
When a person’s own plan to become good in the eyes of others fails, they tend to become good or bad to attract the attention of others. The latter is the pursuit of easy superiority.
These people are just trying to seek attention, and once you reprimand them, they receive that attention and continue to do it since it works
People put an emphasis to become special because they cannot accept their own self
Treating life like climbing a mountain are treating their existences as lines. Instead, we should see it as a series of dots/moments: the present.
Successful people have been living in the now, as for days on end they would focus on what they could do on that day, without a clear destination for the future, which can be referred to as an energial (actual-active-state) life. The process itself is treated like an outcome.

ex) If your goal was to climb a mountain instead of getting to the top, it wouldn’t matter if you made it or not

By shining a “bright spotlight” on ourselves right now, we don’t have to worry about the future or past. By being able to worry about the past or the future, it’s proof that we aren’t focusing enough on the present. By making this change, we can live earnestly and conscientiously.
By only looking forward to future goals, we’re postponing life. By living an energial life, no matter when our life may end, we’ll be happy.
When we try to achieve freedom, we may become lost, but Adlerian psychology acts as a guiding star (contribution to others) to point us in the right direction. As long as we are contributing to others, we will find our calling.
By living such a lifestyle, when we change, the whole world will change

Application

Manifest the lessons in this book to help me cope with the past and be less anxious for the future
Enter a new dimension of consciousness during the present
Continue to be grateful of the present
Begin to view others as comrades, rather than opponents
Begin forming horizontal relationships

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