{ Books MOC Tags: #literature/books/finished
Words That Change Minds
01/04/2021
-A person’s speech and behavior can help us understand a person’s neurological strengths and weaknesses and overall character
Important neurological processes that shape our worldview:
-Deletion (filtering out unimportant things)
-Distortion (hallucination and creativity)
-Generalization
LAB Profile
-a way of thinking about people and groups that allow you to notice and respond to their motivations, information processing, and decision making
Motivation Traits- what a person needs to be motivated/unmotivated
Working Traits- how they do things in a situation
-Instead of focusing on what people say, focus on how they are saying it and how it is related to their emotions and context of the situation
-Use speech that is tailored to their motivation and working traits to truly deliver your intentions to them
When, where, with whom, verb
Motivation Traits
Proactive
-Confident and hasty
-Acts with little or no consideration. Motivated by doing.
-Do it, jump in, get it done, don’t wait, just do it, now
Reactive
-Controlled, cautious, thinkers
-Motivated to wait, analyze, consider and react
-Understand, think about, wait, analyze, consider, might, could, would
Hot Buttons/Criteria
-One’s criteria is what their way of measuring what is good and bad, and even simply saying such words will evoke emotion from them.
To find out one’s criteria, we can ask questions such as:
-What do you want in… (job, spouse, home)
-What’s important to you?
-What counts?
-What has to be there?
-What would you like to have or do?
-What would have to happen in this project to meet all your needs?
After finding out various criteria, find out which ones are most important and state them exactly as the other person expressed them, rather than paraphrase.
Carrot or Stick
-Determines whether a person is moving toward or away from their goals, and puts their energy towards their goals or solving problems
Toward
-Focused on goal and are actively working towards it with motivation and interest
-Prioritize well, but may fail to notice underlying obstacles
Away From
-Motivated by threats and obstacles (deadlines, finances)
-Don’t focus on goals since they are more interested in helping with negative situations
Identification
-Ask about why *criteria* is important to them
Toward- rewards, inclusion, goals, hand pointing, nodding
Away From- avoided, get rid of, exclusion, problems
*Focus on what they say after because
When wanting change and in a bad situation, ask whether they want to start changing now or to wait for worse things to come
Influence
Toward- attain, achieve, enable you to, advantage
Away From- solve, avoid, get rid of, find out what’s wrong
Start working on your goals through “Toward” thinking to see the potential and end goal, and when losing interest, engage in “Away From” thinking to see what you will miss out on
-If asked a problem-focused question by investors, start briefly with how to avoid the problem and then quickly shift to how you will achieve your goals
-When suffering from writer’s block, right down anything you can, then correct and adjust what you written
Distribution
-40, 20, 40
Sources of Motivation
-Determines whether a person’s motivation is based off of their own evaluations or of others
Internal
-Decides for themselves, takes information from outside sources but will evaluate it based off their own beliefs, takes orders as information, do not require external praise and do not give it either
External
-Require feedback to stay motivated
Influence
Internal- only you can decide, you might consider,
External- others will notice and give you good feedback, x person thinks, I would recommend
Suggestion Model
-
Make the suggestion based off internal language
-
State what the problem avoids or solves (Away From)
-
State the benefit (Toward)
-
Overall say why it is easy to do (Externals)
ex) I think you should do 1 so we can prevent 2 and work towards achieving 3. I know you can do this because 4.
If you want someone to do something, let them know that they can refuse.
Self-Awareness
Internal- how clear a person’s own values and passions can be found in their environment, behavior, and impact on others. Associated with high job and relationship satisfaction, happiness, and lower anxiety.
External- how well we know how others see the above. Associated with empathy, taking other’s perspectives, and having strong relationships.
How to Get “Macho” People to Listen
-
Finish your presentation/writeup
-
Ask yourself if you have included phrasing such as:
-
“You probably don’t know this”
-
Telling them what to do
-
They have a problem and I have a solution
-
Are not perfect in a way
-
I am superior
- Replace those liens with:
-
As you probably know
-
You may wish to consider
-
Other people have had this issue, and what some have done…
-
With your knowledge and experience in this area…
-
Your role is… my role is….
Since internal people listen to themselves, tell them information rather than your opinion.
For closet externals, first use internal language, then external.
Distribution
-40, 20, 40
Reason
-How a person does things
Options
-Believe that there is a better way to do things, and will work towards finding better procedures, but are less keen on following them.
Ex) When told something, rather than follow it, they will try to improve it
-Love breaking or bending rules, starting new projects, but do not want to maintain them and are sometimes unmotivated
-Don’t like choosing, as it eliminates options
-Creative, interested in developing and setting up new systems to things
Procedures
-Follow a step-by-step process, and believe there is only a “right” way to do things
-Interested in how to do things, rather than why
-When starting a procedure, they are focused on getting to the end
Identification
Q: Why did you choose your current work?
Options- focus on the why
-
List of criteria (feelings, goals)
-
Opportunities, possibilities
-
Expanding options and choice
Procedures- Replaces why with how, and focuses on how
-
Did not choose
-
Answers the question with how rather than why
-
The facts and events leading up to/story
Influence
Options- opportunity, choice, break rules, another better way, unlimited possibilities, an alternative is, that’s one way, here are the options, there has got to be a way, the sky’s the limit, ways and means
-
Procedures- the right way, speaks in procedures (first, then, last), tried and true, reliable, how to use this, follow the procedure
-Sell things to procedural people by showing them the products and letting them try it, and explaining to them the plan for buying it
Customers will go from options to procedure when they are ready to buy things.
Decision Factors
To change or not to change
Sameness
- don’t like change, and may refuse to adapt, accept change, or provoke it
Sameness with Exception
-
Will accept change if it is to progress, and if it isn’t too drastic
-
Accept slow evolution
Difference
- Love constant and major revolutions and changes
Sameness with Exception and Difference
- Happy with both evolution and revolution
Distribution
-5, 65, 20, 10
Identification
Q: What is the relationship between x and your last x?
Sameness
-talk about how it hasn’t changed and the similarities
Sameness with Exception
-How it has evolved and focuses on the trip rather than destination
Difference
-May not understand “relationship”, and describe how it is completely different with focus on destination
Difference and Sameness with Exception
-Use both difference and sameness with exception responses
Influencing
Sameness
-same as; in common; as you always do; unchanged; maintaining
Sameness with Exception
-more; better; less; the same except; progression; improvement
Difference
-new; totally different; unlike anything else; unique; unrecognizable; the only one
Sameness with Exception and Difference
-better and new; a different approach to improve; new and better than before
Productivity Patterns
Scope
-Looking at the big picture vs the details
Specific
-Focuses on small details and information, in sequences (stump, branch, twig)
-Have difficulty prioritizing, have trouble when interrupted
General
-Focus on the overview or concept
Distribution
-15, 25, 60
Identification
-Specific people tend to take longer to describe things
Specific
-speak in sequences, step-by-step
-lots of modifiers, adverbs, adjectives
-proper nouns
-may restart if lost their train of thought
-only aware of the step before and after
General
-can present in random order
-overview, summaries
-concepts, abstracts
-simple sentences, few modifiers or details
-few words
Influencing
Specific
-exactly; precisely; specifically; details; use sequences and qualifiers
General
-the big picture; the main idea; essentially; important thing is; concepts
Attention Direction
Does a person pay attention to the nonverbal behavior of others, or their own internal experience?
Self
-Don’t show many emotions, but have feelings
-Time gap in between a stimulus and their response
-Convinced on what people say, rather than their tone, body language, or enthusiasm
-Don’t pick up on hints
-Bad at interpersonal communication
Other
-Animated, respond to the behaviors and responses of others
-Can judge the direction of a conversation through the other person’s behavior and tone
Distribution
-7, 93
Identification
-Shown through body language
Self
-Absence of culturally appropriate behaviors
-Little or no facial expression or voice variation
-Reacts only to content of speech
Other
-Reacts to content and nonverbal aspects of communication
-Uses body language
-Animated
Influencing
Self
-Keep communication based on content
-Match their Criteria and Convincer Channel and Mode
Other
-Influenced by depth of report
Stress Response
How a person reacts to stress in the workplace
Feeling
-Have emotional responses to stress, and may struggle to get out of slumps
-Overreactive
Choice
-Have an initial emotional response, but then decide on whether they want to stay there or return to their previous selves
-Good people managers, since they can be personal and be distant when necessary
Thinking
-No emotional response
-May have trouble empathizing for others
-Rarely panic, you can rely on them to stay calm during stressful situations
Distribution
15, 70, 15
Identification
-”Tell me about a specific work situation that caused you trouble”
Influencing
Feeling
-When they’re at their highs, use profound and emotional language
Choice
-Use emotional language, then shift to rationality after
Thinking
-Spit straight facts
Environment and Productivity
What environment allows a person to be most productive in regards to the people around them
Independent
-Like to work alone and have sole responsibility
-Can go for long periods of time without the contact of others
Proximity
-Have their own set of responsibilities they want to work on, but also need people around them to stay motivated
-They prefer not to share responsibilities or work completely alone
Cooperative
-Want to share responsibility and synergize with others
Distribution
-20, 60, 20
Identification
-”Tell me about an experience that was (their Criteria)”
-”What did you like about it?”
-From then on, figure out whether it was a sole effort, in charge with others around, or a group project
Independent
-I, myself, my responsibility
-doesn’t mention other people
-activity is something you would do independently
Proximity
-other people were present, but they were the ones who “did it”
-nature of experience involves other people
Cooperative
-us, we, together
-includes other people, shares responsibility
Organization
Do people organize their work through their thoughts and feelings, or their ideas, systems, tools, and tasks?
People
-Focus on people and feelings over their own work
-Good at establishing rapport
Thing
-Concentrate on products, ideas, tools, tasks and systems
-May treat people as objects and ideas
-Want to get things done, task-oriented
Distribution
-15, 30, 55
Identification
-”Tell me about an experience that was (their Criteria)”
-”What did you like about it?”
Person
-speak about people, emotions feelings
-use personal pronouns
-people are the object of sentences
Thing
-speak about processes, results, …
-refer to people as they/you
-people are objects and part of a process
Influencing
Person
-use their names; feelings; thoughts; experiencing; this will feel good; for you; for others; our team
Thing
-things; systems; process; results
Rule Structure: Guidelines for Yourself and Others
Relation between the rules a person gives to themselves and the rules they give to others
My/My
-They believe that what is good for them will also be good for others
My/.
-Selfish, don’t care about how others are affected by things
No/My
-Have no rules for themselves, but when given rules, will pass them onto others
-Indecisive
My/Your
-Understand their own rules, while also understanding that others are different and as a result will have their own rules
-Likely to understand the other person’s stance in an argument
Distribution
-75, 3, 7, 15
Identification
-”What is a good way for you to increase your success?”
-”What is a good way for someone else to increase their success?”
My/My
-Similar responses to both, or answers both questions easily
My/.
-Clear response for 1st, but has trouble thinking of 2nd
No/My
-Doesn’t know the answer to 1st, but knows for 2nd
My/Your
-Has rules for 1st, doesn’t want to assume for 2nd
Influencing
My/My
-You would do that if you were him; you know what you want and what would work for others; apply what you think to the group
-Insists that what he thinks will affect others
My/.
-Language for internals
-Will greatly benefit you, it shouldn’t matter what others think
No/My
-Wait until you hear from the boss and then let everyone know
-What would x do?
My/Your
-Do what you need to and let everyone else decide for themselves
-You know that everyone is unique and different
Convincing Channel
The methods in which a person is convinced to believe or do something
See, Hear, Read, and Do (pretty self explanatory)
Distribution
-55, 30, 3, 12
Identification
-”How do you know that someone is good at their work?”
-”How do you know that (an object) is worth buying?”
See
-See evidence
Hear
-Hear testimonies of others
Read
-Read reports
Do
-Work with someone/try out the product to know
Influencing
See
-see, look at it this way, show, perspective, image, clear, clarify, colorful, visualize, picture it
Hear
-hear, talk, listen, wonder, say, question, ask, dialogue, discuss, tell yourself, musical
Read
-read the report, go through the test, scan the page, read through, read in detail
Do
-feel, touch, grasp, gather, in contact with, touch-sensory related words, work with it, try it on, test it out
Convincer Mode
What does a person do with the information they received in an attempt to convince them?
Number of examples
-Need to have the data multiple times to be convinced or learn
Automatic
-Requires little information to decide immediately based on their assumptions for the rest. Jump to conclusions, and do not easily change their minds
Consistent
-Never completely convinced
-Need to re-evaluate things every day
Period of time
-Need to gather information for a certain duration before their conviction is triggered
Distribution
-52, 8, 15, 25
Identification
-”How many times do they have to demonstrate this before you are convinced?”
# of E
-specific # of times
Automatic
-one example
-gives benefit of doubt
Consistent
-never truly convinced
-judge every time
Period of time
-x amount of time
Influencing (be sure to also match convincer channel)
# of E
-use number
Automatic
-you can assume; benefit of the doubt; decide fast; right now
Consistent
-try it; each time you use it; every time; consistent performance; don’t take my word for it
Period of time
-match period of time
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