Tags: #anime Links: Animes
Your Lie in April
07/20/2020 Writeup 2
I didn’t know I was able to cry that many times from an anime.
Even though I was spoiled about Kaori dying from trying to search up the anime description (it ended up with autocompleting to death scene, kill me now), I was overwhelmed with emotions and tears at the end. Just the amount of things unveiled during the last episode (especially through the letter) just made me burst into tears as everything started to make sense.
Aside from the usual harassment Kaori gives to Kousei, the sincere moments they have with each other just felt magical and powerful in one way or another, and after listening back to the music played throughout the anime, it all came back like a crashing wave and consumed my thoughts and emotions. For example, when I initially watched the firefly scene, I thought it was a spectacular sight and I was really hoping Kousei was going to admit and say that he performed solo for her. It happened, and I was just in awe at the time. However, once I listened to the music that accompanied that special moment, I thought back to the scenes of them just enjoying each other’s company and started to tear up. I find it amazing how you’re able to feel for characters at this level through drawings and few episodes. It’s almost as if you personally knew them, and grew up with them, and could understand how they feel during their precious moments. This is the kind of anime I long for, I would prefer to cry my heart out than to watch any sort of action. Just the character development and the connection that you form with them; being able to see them in such emotionally-driven events spark something inside me that makes me wish for more. As soon as I thought nothing could top what I had just witnessed, I eat my own words and start crying even harder than the last, and it feels so fucking nice to do so.
I just really appreciate the connection between Kaori and Kousei (no shit it’s what the anime wanted, but still). Little things like Kaori crying while Kousei was biking with her in the starry night, playing along with Kousei during his prelims performance even while only listening to it through the phone, the “random” encounters she would have with Kousei as he would walk home, her just sleeping soundly in the music room while Kousei played the piano, lowkey telling him that she didn’t have much time to live through the Charlie Brown quotes, all of these events are hella memorable and just showcased how much Kaori adored Kousei, and finding about the lie had every single one of these moments crash down upon me with 10x the emotional impact it initially had. I feel horrible for her not being able to confess her love to Kousei due to the lie she had to uphold, but at the same time it just proves how fucking much she just wanted Kousei to be in her life. I really wish they had gotten to know each other earlier just so they could enjoy each other’s company just that little bit more. I’m surprised they didn’t hug or kiss throughout the whole thing, but like what the anime implied, the emotions and messages expressed through their music and other actions (but more specifically music) transcended any form of physical contact. Fuck them having sex or making out, I’m a huge fan of the evergrowing, emotional connection the two had.
I’m really happy that Kousei was able to bring his act together in his final performance and how it was visualized. That whole scene of them performing in the sky was utterly breathtaking to witness, and it just kept on giving with her absorbing all the particles and her disappearing. I would have felt terrible and also somewhat pissed at Kousei if he was unable to play because of her state, but I’m glad he was able to pull through in the end.
I teared up/cried a fair amount when the audience was able to understand the performer through their music.
I think this anime has touched me more than Bunny Girl Senpai, even thinking about the fucking name of the anime makes me feel like tearing up just because of how emotionally invested I am into it. How such a miniscule lie could unfold such unforgettable events for Kaori, finally being able to fulfill the dream that she set out to achieve upon meeting Kousei for the first time. I’m just appreciative of how influential Kousei has been to not only her but many other characters in the anime- he truly is a gift from the heavens in terms of not only piano skills but also impacting other’s lives. I feel like I’m a character in the anime, emotionally moved by his performances and expressions, and it’s truly beautiful how he was able to find something so similar in Kaori. Typing this write up has made me really want to re-watch it, the story is just so heartwarming despite it’s tragic ending. However, could you even call it tragic? Kousei overcame his fear of ever playing the piano, and it was all thanks to this one girl who also needed him. I can’t even get mad at her death, it just seems natural- as if she were a gift from the heavens, an angel sent down to earth with the purpose of reviving Kousei so he can influence the world around him once again with his playing. Tsubaki fucking HATED music but she still greatly appreciated Kousei’s playing, Watari was completely knocked out during the other performers but would always be awoken by Kousei’s playing, it all just shows how influential of a pianist Kousei was.
The classical music used in this video really enhanced the emotions I was feeling. I occasionally listen to piano music/classical music- I’m not sure what caused it but I just do. However, it’s never moved me as much as it did in YLIA. Something about the piano is just soothing to me, and having a cute ass girl play violin along with it only makes me even more emotional.
I really wished Kousei visited Kaori more often and overcame his fear of visiting her due to her “relationship” with Watari. I would have loved to see more moments with the two soulmates, especially those touching ones where you can tell they were willing to put everything on the line for the other person. That’s what I hope to experience first hand once again some day. I want someone who I can just spend time with and feel like time freezes as I just enjoy their presence. Someone who I would just want to randomly call at times, talking about the stupidest shit just so I can get to hear their voice and their ideas. I just wanted more moments between these two to fill the gap in my heart- experiencing something like this once again would make me feel complete again- it would give me that strive to do my best in school, be productive everyday, be the best version of myself I can be, and just live life to the absolute fullest. My determination has been slowly declining as of lately, and I think it’s just my loneliness finally catching up to me. If I’m able to share these feelings with someone, my old, driven self will come back and I might transcend into a new mindset where I’m more motivated than ever before. However, I fear that my idea of a perfect soulmate might be too unrealistic and distorted due to the expectations I’ve gained from anime. What I stated seems achievable realistically, but I feel like I’m expecting it to happen as fast as it takes for me to finish an anime (which definitely isn’t the case). Maybe that’s why I felt suicidal during my first writeup, because I was tired of not having such intimate relationships in my own life. I guess anime can suffice for now, but how long can the hole in my heart be patched up using fictional characters and storyline?
This anime has also made me appreciate the outdoors more, even if it wasn’t a major theme in the grand scheme of things. Maybe that initial encounter between Kousei and Kaori touched me that much and has a part to play in it? I honestly have no clue.
Side note- the dubbed versions of this intro sounds fairly similar to Disney. Do some people find the same feelings I do in anime with Disney movies and cartoons? The energy feels the same, but for some reason I feel more leaning towards anime and reading subbed titles over having it dubbed to English. I feel like it’s from a mix of because I’m used to it and because it might ruin the environment created with the original voice actors. It would be weird for everything in the anime to be closely tied to Japanese culture, but then have the voices be completely western.
Anime has nullified my lust and need for sexual pleasure, which I think is a turn for the better. It’s challenging the view towards women that porn has been influencing ever since I started, and making me put more value on one’s emotional aspects as well. I’m still going to be preferring a cute, blonde, relatively thin girl with fake eyelashes and a soft voice, but I won’t be imagining them in such sexual ways as much as I used to. However, it’s also affected the effect of songs outside of anime for the time being. Kevin had recommended me songs the other day, but as I was listening, I could tell that I would definitely have been more affected by it if I had listened to them a month or two ago before I started watching so much anime.
In the event that someone I hold dearly to me passes away, I might watch this anime as a form of therapy for my loss. It would distract me from the tragedy at hand, and it would instill the messages the anime has about the loss of a loved one. Luckily I haven’t had to deal with anything too major as of writing this, but time flies, and no one is destined to live forever. Now that I think about it, I’m not sure how I’ll be able to cope with my parents’ deaths. I feel like I would have too much fucking regret to deal with it for the rest of my life. At times I would barely talk to them in a day, and that the only times we talk would be about something miniscule or something that they initiate. I rarely come up with ways to show my affection for them, and only play games and work on myself instead of actually showing appreciation for what they have raised me to become. Maybe I could’ve helped my dad more during the times he was stressed out about work, maybe I could’ve been with him more to motivate him to learn more and just appreciate life in general. I can’t change the past though. All I can do is act upon the future, but that’s what I’ve been telling myself this whole time and no major improvements have happened since them. I want to watch more movies with them, but my own pleasure gets in the way and I end up just playing games or doing something else I enjoy. I still have yet to find a way to pay them back for all they’ve done for me, and something can easily happen where I’ll never have the chance to do so. I guess for now I can start learning math so I can ensure enrollment into UBC since seeing me succeed in my goal will definitely put them at ease and make them proud, but I want to do something for them that isn’t related to me. ;alsdka;kfjlafa;dka; I’m getting really tired as of writing this, and this is ending up to become more about my general thoughts than the anime (which is completely okay and is something I kind of like, since I can see how I was feeling during the time of watching this anime). Anyways, if you ever read this in the future or if someone else does, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope you very good yes.
Your lie in april. I hope you achieved everything you wanted to during your short time alive, Kaori-chan.
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